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Malevolent Household Spirits

If you are like me, your home may host dozens of invisible spirits that cause you countless inconveniences. That's why people seek the magic protection of a kitchen witch...someone with the mojo to cancel the evils of nasty spirits.

Here is a brief introduction to some of the malevolent spirits you may find in your home and the ills associated with each.

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Ignitor

Source of kitchen fires, overcooked veggies, scorched eggs, blazing toast, and burnt lasagna. The reason your smoke detector squawks.

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 Spiller

Skilled at toppling cups, mugs, glasses, bottles, bowls, and pots. Sometimes she is assisted by your pets.

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Smithereens

Highly qualified breaker of glass, crystal, porcelain, and mirrors. Basically, his specialty is anything that can be cracked, chipped, or shattered. 

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Insomnia

Able to stir people, pets, and pests into action when all should be asleep.

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Smirch

Nothing stays clean when she is on hand to befoul with smudges, stains, smears, and blotches of every size, shape, and color.

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Moldy 

He makes your refrigerator vegetable drawer his base of operations but is alert for opportunities all over the house. He’s a "fun gi."

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Pest

Who invites vermin into your home? She ensures there's always room for more field mice, bats, pantry moths, cockroaches, ants, flies, and wolverines.

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Clogger

An unexcelled expert at obstructing pipes of any size, usually at the worst possible time. No one blocks it better.

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Miasma

What’s that smell? You are not alone. She’s here too—in the cat box, in the back of the refrigerator, under the sink, and in the hamper.

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Covid

Who could guess that he’d stay this long? It now looks like he might never leave. Just another pestiferous part of the family.

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Sock

You know, socks can’t venture off on their own. Some insidious imp is stealing them. Might also explain why you can't find the cap for your pen and why the cookie jar is empty.

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Of course, this is only a partial list of the goblins that might infest your home. Did I fail to mention any evils you are hosting at your house?

While it is unusual to have them all at the same time, it is not impossible. That's why you might want to procure the services of a good kitchen witch. When she is on duty, some things may still go wrong...but it could be even worse.

Speaking of kitchen witches, you might want to check out the Kitchen-Witch Canister project on Kickstarter through January 30, 2022.

Canisters

Don—Pittsburgh, January 25, 2022

 

29 Responses

Liz Gross

June 12, 2022

Wow! I really would LOVE prints, or a book of these! I actually identify AS a “Kitchen/Garden-Witch/Brownie/Hobbit”! Maybe a mild amount of Clurichaun thrown in there, but who’s counting? And your work absolutely resonates with me.! Thank you for doing what you and your team at Calamityware do. It never fails to amuse me to the point of genuinely smiling.

Carrie Achilles

May 08, 2022

Most of these creatures are replaced in my and my maternal families’ homes by Juleniessen. They are household gnomes that like to cause a bit of trouble. When you put down your pen, and look back to find it is missing. You search the desktop, the floor, your pocket but it has vanished. Then you look back on the desk and there it is. The glory of it is, you aren’t crazy, it is the Juleniessen. They hide the keys that must be home because both you and your car are present. They are also fond of gumming up the works of various appliances but, of course, when the repair guy shows up the unit is fine.
They can be appeased by placing a saucer of milk on the floor. I have found it easier to believe in them than not. They cause less trouble that way.

Monica Cahill

March 21, 2022

I had a visit from Mr. Smithereens only a week after my Calamityware travel mug arrived 😢. Oh well, things could be worse!

LJ

March 07, 2022

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make set of prints of these!!! Perfect housewarming gift. Love your humor and your creations.

Lillie Lane

January 31, 2022

Great Job.

Judy Bertelsen

January 31, 2022

There’s also The Sacramento FedEx Slob who has again (second time!!!) stopped progress of a shipment of Calamityware from reaching its destination at my PO box in Berkeley.

Gwendolyn F Neideffer

January 31, 2022

You bet I’d be interested in an “uncle covid” frameable print ;)

Babs

January 29, 2022

Thumper. Makes random loud sounds during the day or darkest night. The dilemma… investigate or pretend I didn’t hear.

Zoe

January 29, 2022

Now I want a charm bracelet with all these little creatures on it! Maybe if I honor them they would help me out?? Plus it would be extremely cute.

Great one, Don & crew. Love this. Thanks for all you do!

Bobbie

January 29, 2022

Mr Moyer,
I cannot possibly express the sheer joy & instantaneous endorphin rush I get whenever I
(dare) peek at your Work. (I do not participate in Social Media. I also don’t shop online. You may be impressed to know that I do not have an Amazon account.) You are Above & Beyond!!! Bobbie

Carol Cintron

January 29, 2022

Love it love it love it. How to make household messes and such fun and entertaining. Thank you Carol

Gwen I Harada

January 29, 2022

Don,
omg…what fun to have readily visual “calamity” on kitchen counters!
Thank you!
Gwen H.

margaret

January 29, 2022

Seems like these may need to be offered as prints so we can frame the “most wanted” on our walls?

Laura

January 29, 2022

I hope my kitchen witch canisters will help repel some of these demons

Clifford Young

January 29, 2022

It’s amazing how close your images are to the pictures in my mind. Are you plugging into the collective unconscious?

Gail-Lee McDermott

January 29, 2022

And Dust Bunnies? The ones that stampede through my house. What does your version look like?
And is Smirch the same as the dog nose marks on windows? You may know of the ones that appear on clean windows when no dog has been near the window. Or is there a different one? There should be!

Joe

January 29, 2022

These are fantastic and terrifying. I need these on some merch. Maybe some heavy-duty coffee mugs? (My other Calamityware mugs feel more delicate and “special occasion”.

Dolly

January 29, 2022

Please, please, pleeease turn these into trading cards!! I’d buy a set for every member of my family!

Maureen Metcalfe

January 29, 2022

Best of luck with the latest Kickstarter project! I’ve encouraged friends to participate, but (unfortunately), people my age are downsizing…But! They’d make perfect gifts for the grandchildren!

I would love to see a laminated poster of the first 9 Malevolent Spirits that could be a wipe-clean backsplash over my range!
Hopefully, #10 will eventually fade into history—not soon, but some day… #11 I know who steals my socks—my puppy, Tallulah!

Maureen
#RegeCordicRules!

Claudette Dorsey

January 29, 2022

It’s a Family Album!

Or a Wanted-Dead-or-Alive poster!

Thank you for the identification guide, mental imagery, and 2-D DELIGHT!

Kelly Fisher

January 29, 2022

I’d add Leakie. What’s that dripping sound? Where’d that puddle come from???

Also, I’d count wolverines as slightly more than pernicious.

Hannah Pearce

January 29, 2022

“Uncle Covid” hahahaha

Mary

January 29, 2022

Lmao

Liz Woedl

January 29, 2022

Uncle Covid came to our house a few days before Christmas and left something under the tree for us to open later. Fortunately we were well armored and did not die. -Liz Woedl

Cindy Mills

January 29, 2022

Hahaha! Mr. Smithereens! Where’s the one who breaks appliances at the worst time?

Penny

January 29, 2022

Hi Don:

In my house we have a problem with Linticulars – fearsome fleet flyby floaters that fling fine fur, tissue dander, towel tidbits, fleece fuzz, and dust bunnies on freshly washed clothes, furniture surfaces, and under the bed. Sneaky little pests – you can only catch a glimpse of them if the sun is at the perfect angle to reflect on their lanugo. Can’t wait for my witches to arrive and set the little buggers fleeing.

All the best.

Paula C Horvath

January 29, 2022

There should be a book of the household spirits.

Corlis Robe

January 29, 2022

I NEEEEEEEED a Calamityware lamp. And a Calamityware clock. I will cheerfully Kickstart an order of one of each, sight unseen.

Sam

January 29, 2022

What would I do without your humor in my life!?

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