If you are like me, your home may host dozens of invisible spirits that cause you countless inconveniences. That's why people seek the magic protection of a kitchen witch...someone with the mojo to cancel the evils of nasty spirits.
Here is a brief introduction to some of the malevolent spirits you may find in your home and the ills associated with each.
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Source of kitchen fires, overcooked veggies, scorched eggs, blazing toast, and burnt lasagna. The reason your smoke detector squawks.
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Skilled at toppling cups, mugs, glasses, bottles, bowls, and pots. Sometimes she is assisted by your pets.
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Highly qualified breaker of glass, crystal, porcelain, and mirrors. Basically, his specialty is anything that can be cracked, chipped, or shattered.
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Able to stir people, pets, and pests into action when all should be asleep.
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Nothing stays clean when she is on hand to befoul with smudges, stains, smears, and blotches of every size, shape, and color.
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He makes your refrigerator vegetable drawer his base of operations but is alert for opportunities all over the house. He’s a "fun gi."
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Who invites vermin into your home? She ensures there's always room for more field mice, bats, pantry moths, cockroaches, ants, flies, and wolverines.
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An unexcelled expert at obstructing pipes of any size, usually at the worst possible time. No one blocks it better.
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What’s that smell? You are not alone. She’s here too—in the cat box, in the back of the refrigerator, under the sink, and in the hamper.
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Who could guess that he’d stay this long? It now looks like he might never leave. Just another pestiferous part of the family.
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You know, socks can’t venture off on their own. Some insidious imp is stealing them. Might also explain why you can't find the cap for your pen and why the cookie jar is empty.
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Of course, this is only a partial list of the goblins that might infest your home. Did I fail to mention any evils you are hosting at your house?
While it is unusual to have them all at the same time, it is not impossible. That's why you might want to procure the services of a good kitchen witch. When she is on duty, some things may still go wrong...but it could be even worse.
Speaking of kitchen witches, you might want to check out the Kitchen-Witch Canister project on Kickstarter through January 30, 2022.
Don—Pittsburgh, January 25, 2022
Liz Gross
June 12, 2022
Wow! I really would LOVE prints, or a book of these! I actually identify AS a “Kitchen/Garden-Witch/Brownie/Hobbit”! Maybe a mild amount of Clurichaun thrown in there, but who’s counting? And your work absolutely resonates with me.! Thank you for doing what you and your team at Calamityware do. It never fails to amuse me to the point of genuinely smiling.