Effective Treatment

Because this has been a year of worrisome pathogens, I have accelerated my efforts to combat COVID-19. Since mid-March, I have seen significant positive results from three treatment modalities. Margarita mix, pizza, and jalapeños have kept me virus free.

In the interest of science, my research will continue. As cold weather sets in, I intend to make a study of the medicinal effects of the traditional rum toddy.

If you are conducting similar experiments at your house, I urge you to be on the lookout for unpleasant side effects. My concerns may be ridiculous. You decide.



Look in the mirror. Problems might be staring you in the face. But don’t automatically blame your “vaccine.” Perhaps spending so much time at home has simply encouraged you to neglect grooming tasks.


Don’t forget to peek under your mask at least once a week. Make sure your nose hasn’t doubled or tripled in size. Full-time mask-wearing might be required, just to cover up that schnozzola. 


Am I the only one who worries about giant bat ears? Now that I’ve alerted you, you can worry about giant bat ears too.


All of the above. A mess that no mask will cover. 


I think vaccines are great. As soon as an approved recipe is available, I’ll get in line for it. Until then, all I can do is self medicate. So far, side effects have been minimal.  

Stay healthy. Stay safe.

Don—Pittsburgh, November 12, 2020







17 Responses


December 21, 2020

Check out the cover of the 12/14 New Yorker magazine. Reminds me of you all!

Julie Katana

December 21, 2020

OMG, this is the first time I’ve seen your site, blog, etc. I could have been laughing my ass off for months. Lots of catching up to do. I know where I’ll be holiday shopping in the future. Do any of the coffee mugs have nasties inside, at the bottom so that as you’re taking your last big swig, you glimpse something awful….how about a scorpion? Or a big eye staring up at you? Happy Holidays!!


November 20, 2020

Hot chocolate with a shot of whisky has been working quite well for me. I mean…I haven’t got sick so…

Auntie Spitless

November 19, 2020

Every day I drink my coffee from my Calamity Ware mug, thinking things could be worse. What if Zombie Poodles came to my house?

Sandra Aska

November 19, 2020

My liquid vaccine is straight Mezzzzzcal, one small ice cube and salt. Makes isolation worthwhile. You can dance in front of a window without closed curtains and dance your ass off.


November 16, 2020

The only side effect I’ve noticed so far is that my cat has gotten really fat.

Rebecca Loader

November 16, 2020

Hmmm. I am thinking that those giant bat ears would make it easier for my mask to stay in place.


November 16, 2020

Self-medicating for me is a nice, dry Quarantini. Shaken, not stirred.

Lauren M Petit

November 16, 2020

Other people rush to the store to restock their supply of toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and tissues. I go for the chocolate chip cookies, tiramisu squares, and whipped cream (the last item to go with the pumpkin pies I keep baking just for the hell of it). So far, I have experienced no adverse effects. Each to his/her own therapy.

Lois Kaufman

November 16, 2020

Hi Don,

Wanted to let you know that I’m thoroughly enjoying the Apes and Aliens puzzle. I really look forward to being able to sit down and work on it each weekend. There are so many elements going on that makes it workable without being overwhelming. My husband laughs every time I shout out “I knew that would fit, I’m crushing this”!! I really love the little extra details, cats in pockets, tiny lobsters etc. I’m not usually a puzzler but will stick with this one until the last piece, then I’ll get Ocean Commotion (?). Thanks again.

Carol Gagosian

November 16, 2020

Think those bat ears are an improvement. And think what you can do with your new found ecolocation powers.

Cindy L

November 16, 2020

“Schnoozla”…I haven’t heard that word in so long! Thanks fir making me literally LOL! 🤣


November 16, 2020

You’re the best. Thank you Don!! Hang in there!


November 16, 2020

I would love giant bat ears. At least then my mask would stay on. As it is, the elastic keeps slipping off my ears.


November 16, 2020

I was wondering if toddies were going to be included in the vaccines and you did not disappoint.

Kay Miller

November 19, 2020

Love the image. Are you selling prints?

Shelly Lopez Gray

November 14, 2020

At least you didn’t gain the quarantine 15.

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