It sounds like Sleeping Don may have sleep apnea. Does he become a Loudly Snoring Don when he’s off in Dreamland? That would point toward the condition. If so, it’s easily diagnosed and can be treated with a small breathing assist machine, or CPAP. Weight and throat obstructions are among causes. Check with your doc.

That was hilarious. Thanks. (Don’t mean ya any harm!)…

Sounds like it’s time to upgrade your bed to a POSEY. 😉 In all seriousness, if your wife notices you keep acting out your dreams a trip to your doc is definitely in order. 👩‍⚕️ 🩺 🧠

Hi Knot Noggin’ Don,

Although I am fond of the head cloud invention, might I propose a couple of simple ideas: 1) Lower your bed … Platform style, no box springs, although that could be harder on aching knees; or 2) Put down a folding foam mattress that can be hidden away during awake hours … Protect the whole body!

Safe sleeping and sweeter dreams!!!

http://arcticinno.com/winners-2018-main/
" Hoodillow is a clothing device designed to support a user’s head when sleeping in unconventional locations. It is composed of a double-layer hood with padding that can be rearranged throughout the interior of the hood. The customizable placement of padding allows users to support the side of their head, or support their specific medical needs, with increased comfort. "
Sorry, Don! Someone beat you to do. Perhaps you can collaborate on a wolverillow?

Don, here is what my husband (67) and I (72) do to get a good night’s sleep in spite of multiple issues and potty breaks. Some years ago, I started being visited nightly by wolverines, centaurs, mermaids, putti, magic flying monkeys, forest spirits, and others. My husband was awakened frequently by my kicking and thrashing and vocalizations. We bought twin beds. My husband needed more roll-room, so we replaced his twin bed with a full-sized bed. This arrangement worked pretty well and we still enjoy sleeping side by side in our own mis-matched beds. After a night in a sleep lab we also were prescribed CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) devices to keep our airways open. I was waking 62 times an hour prior to using the CPAP! A LOT of wolverines! I think the pool noodles under the edges of the fitted sheets are brilliant, too. Here’s to all your adventures in Dreamland staying in the subconscious lane.

I used to experience this same type of event, sans wolverines. Often it was bigfoot that was menacing me or sometimes a chupacabra (both were usually the end result of an overly-spicy dinner). The best solution I’ve found was to rebuild all my bedroom furniture with pool noodles rather than wood. The furniture itself has no sharp edges which is super… no nasty bruises or eyeball injuries to worry about!
I’ve also found that the weighted blankets help and currently sleep under four of the 25-pound blankets. These firmly anchor me to the floor between the piles of pool noodles that define the outlines of my bedframe. This approach has resulted in zero brain injuries since I completed the conversion!
Three big thumbs up!

First of all, thanks for the huge out loud laugh…I can just see all the Karen’s now! If anyone can make a Softie Sleep Helmet (TM!) popular…it’s you!

This invention could come in very handy here in California. An earthquake threw me out of bed once when I was a kid, and sleeping me woke up on the floor, which was rockin’ and rollin’…given California’s propensity for sudden movement, shaking, and general geological mayhem, Don’s Softie Sleep Helmet has the potential for helping to ensure the safety of many millions of sleeping Californians! It could become as stylish as the pandemic masks we’re now sporting…oh, I also fell off my futon while sleeping a while back, no earthquake involved that time…

Lost first missive so this will be short.

Headwear idea is great. Needs a detachable face plate as face is needed for more than beauty Ie must protect certain critical parts having to do with sensory capacities and ingestion/inhalation. Consider that there maybe a market in the lucrative medical device business. Folks with serious neurodifferences have been struggling with these things for decades, also perhaps in long term care facilities.

Suggest face plate be modeled after that Hannibal Lectur wore in “Silence of the Lambs” with decreased volume of metal. Also suggest you peruse a few reviews of bicycle helmets on line. Good discussions of structure and function.

Finally, yes Wolverines! Full body Profile shot while running. Fabulous.

A pool noodle nestled under the fitted sheet (running the length of the side) provides enough of a lip that you don’t roll off, but it’s still easy to get in and out of bed. Did it for my kid back in the day he transitioned out of a crib, and then did it this winter for my mom, who was having a similar problem.

Falling out of bed dreaming of wolverine attacks… never happened to me but I can commiserate. I feel out of bed this year when my partner starfished the entire bed after his gig completely exhausted. Easy to do for a 6’3 muscular man in a tiny Queen sized bed (they call those King sized in Scotland but THAT is a joke). I say half- bed rails man. Yeah, they have those now. Sorry about your head…

Sloping side “ramp” that will slide you gently to the floor? Climb in at the foot of the bed, slide off the side. RISKS: This may prove too fun for Peeing Don which could lead to turning Dreaming Karen into “go back to sleep, Don” Karen. Best of luck!

You haven’t EVEN exhausted the positive aspects of a Softie Sleep Helmet™. Your illustration is rough, but I’m picturing the strap as being not a choking under-jaw thing, but a nice American-football-helmet-ish point-of-chin-cradling cup. Benefit – those of us who before-SSH slept with gaping maw and woke desiccated are rid of the negative dental, gakkkkk-breath, and dehydration effects. Also, gently but firmly clamping shut the jaw prevents or mutes snoring. Lastly, wearing headphones or earbuds to sleep can do a number on tender ears. The SSH has plenty of fluffy room for (add-on profit point!) painless little speakers. Speakers with which one can soothe savage dream-wolverines, thus also helping prevent ejection-seat dream effects. Or with which one can pipe in behavior-warping subliminal promptings: users’ choice. So sorry, rest-of-Calamityware folks – Don’s got a winner here. Ought to pitch it on Snark Tank.

As for Judy’s comments on floor-sleeping – I concur. Once you’re on the floor you can’t fall down. And my family came equipped with an aesthetically-pleasing AND efficient wench, so there’s how I could get back on my feet. Though if it were every two hours, I suppose the wench might become a tad grumpy.

Wow!!! I once fell out of bed as our two little doxies think they are full-size humans. And I agree with Gina, my C-Pap was a game-changer. Be well!!!

I gotta ask – did you watch PBS’ Nature episode on the 24th? It was all about weasels, and included a segment on…wolverines!
So, in addition to the many great ideas submitted – especially the full-body airbag – perhaps you should skip nature programs. Stick with zombies and aliens.
Real life is too scary. And painful.

The Softie Sleep Helmet™, would be a brilliant safety device, as well as being fabulously fashionable!
May I suggest a Calamitous Blue Willow color, for your personal use, as the Wolverines would likely mistake you for a Zombie Poodle, and avoid you like The Plague… Problem solved!

Wow! I think that pelmetow is a great idea. I want one……

That helmet looks nice for winter but might be too warm for summer. Instead, what about designing a nice thick rug with robot capybaras all over it?

This invention is sorely needed! (get it?)
Seriously, elderly people, and people who faint a lot, need this. I keep giving my 87 year young sister a football helmet to wear because she falls a lot. But she keeps forgetting to put it on. I once told her “I need to find you one made out of big puffy marshmallows!” So… I think you are on to something. Helmet. Head protection. And bedtime snack – all in one!

Ouch! Deep soft rug or pillows on the floor might be a good interim assist. Time for a lower bed? with some kind of hand rail to help you get down and up from it.

Like your bunny foot helmets… TM.

I’d imagine boxing/sparring style headgear might be something that wouldn’t totally disarm a nocturnal combatant’s ego when preparing for wolverine sneak attacks. It might also allow adequate ventilation and longer hairstyle preservation for us victims of vogue crippling bedhead issues. As someone with a definitively calamitous gene sequence that will almost certainly lead to increasingly dramatic dance sessions of my own, I’d love to see what your bonked noggin might create to stylize the tragic tango with all manner of subconscious gremlins.

The real pros wear football helmets with the faceguards removed.

Hey Don and Karen,

You had me at wolverine!

I’m more concerned about the fact that Peeing Don takes over Sleeping Don every 2 hours, than I am about the flailing Don. I would recommend the Frequently Peeing Don become a Doctor Visiting and Prostate Checking Don! 🤙 This is the Nursing Lisa taking over the Calamityware Shopping Lisa. My apologies. I have little control over her.

I think the Wolverines in your dream were telling you to turn them into a design! You have all kinds of creatures already, why don’t you have a wolverine? A wolverine tee shirt, a nice pattern for a bandana (purple maybe).

Just my two cents worth cause I can’t sleep!

Mary

Comedian Mike Birbiglia’s sleep walking got so bad, he jumped out a second story window and ended up making a movie about his condition. He’s also very funny. Perhaps listening to some of his sleepwalking-related comedy might give you some ideas. I believe he locks himself into a sleeping bag at night.

Not so sure it would be a good idea for me. I might dream about being cushioned on the nice fluffy clouds and try to fly!! I would like to see the wolverines in a new Calamity pattern though!!! Glad you are okay! Lori

Brilliant! And far more practical than the “crash-harness bed” idea, or even the airbag-equipped throw rug. (Who knew it’s so hard to find airbags in matching colors?) But have you considered the possibilities of trampoline floors?

Dearest Don,

I am so glad you weren’t seriously hurt when you threw yourself out of bed! You are not the first person ever to do this.

In all seriousness, please see a neurologist or sleep specialist. They are often the same thing. Your condition is treatable.

Kindest regards,
The wife of a retired neurologist, who has also thrown himself out of bed, at least once.

Perhaps you could just put a mattress on the floor.

I might need this thing. You’ve got me nervous. My husband and I sleep on a platform that is about 5 and a half feet from the mattress to the floor below. I leap up onto it from a chair. I’m only 60 so that’s no problem leaping up. It’s the falling down I’m now nervous about. I might start considering the couch. I do hope you didn’t concuss yourself. Full body protective pillow is a great consideration, and then also what about making cars out of rubber? Boing, not crunch!

Definitely do a wolverine design!

Why not do this and matching nightgowns or nightshirts? If wolverines are too much, Sasquatch-y flannel nightgowns and sleep helmets would entertain my family for years. Just think of Christmas mornings, opening presents while wearing Calamity couture.

Hmm – sleeping on a tatami, pallet or sleeping bag certainly would minimize the effects of an abrupt descent from wolverine-ravaged sleep at conventional mattress/box springs elevation, but then there’s that unsightly winch one might require to resume an up-right stance in the morning. I suggest assigning design of an aesthetically-pleasing, yet efficient, winch – or some sort of catapult might prove effective – to Calamityware’s cadre of R&D specialists .

Could you please include foam goggle frames (& maybe a jaw protector)? I flew myself face first into a nightstand once while dreaming and ended up with a black eye.

Airbags. The Takata personal 6 point system.

Sorry to hear about your fall Don…I think we should all wear helmets all the time. That pesky peeing in the middle of night was cut out when I started using a C-pap, best thing ever! Stay safe.

Wrestling headgear maybe?

Maybe just get a futon mattress and sleep on the floor?

Last summer I was enjoying a lovely cup of coffee on my back deck. When I noticed a band of slugs on my potted plant. So I started flicking them off. Which was very satisfying because they can’t move very fast What was unforeseen was that, as I took a step backwards I went right off the top step and went into a backflip down the stairs! Several backflips actually. Splatting to a stop on the cement pad at the bottom. Very inglorious, when I eventually opened my eyes and just saw white light I really though I was dead. It was really just the lovely sunlight. I eventually did get up. Long story short I had a huge bruise shaped like a duck across my shoulder and back and Asia was stamped across my left buttocks! Yikes. Slug karma kicked my ass!

This reminds me of the time my Sleeping aunt woke up to my Dreaming uncle kicking her, due to Dreaming Uncle thinking he was in a bar fight.

Three words: padded floor covering. And move the bedside table a little farther away. And stop eating chili late at night. Ok—that’s more than 3 words, but still.

It could always be worse…..the Wolverine could have been real…………..

Don, this could be quite serious. My husband began to have similar attacks, including attacks on me, around 12 years ago. It turned out to be in his case a reaction to Prozac, which he has taken with no other issues for over 30 years. The solution was a heavier than normal (8 mg) dose of Melatonin, after many consults with psychopharmacologists. The animal motif was always present in his attacks. We have slept in separate rooms ever since. The last time he thew himself out of bed was about eight months ago, but it was a relatively minor event, in comparison with what had gone before.
However, it could also be a brain lesion of some sort—the Washington Post posted a number of years ago an account of someone in a similar situation, and after a long series of terrible medical misadventures, that was determined to be the cause. Please see a neurologist ASAP.

The Softie Sleep Helmet is a fine idea, but it will not protect against sproinged backs and necks, nor fractured arm bones. I think a Trampoline Floor surrounding your bed is a much better solution to the problem of Dream Wolverines! It has the added advantage of possibly bouncing you right back into your cozy bed so you can take on the Wolverines a second time and gain the advantage of surprise, as they will not be expecting your counterattack.

The Softie Sleep Helmet is a fine idea, but it will not protect against sproinged backs and necks, nor fractured arm bones. I think a Trampoline Floor surrounding your bed is a much better solution to the problem of Dream Wolverines! It has the added advantage of possibly bouncing you right back into your cozy bed so you can take on the Wolverines a second time and gain the advantage of surprise, as they will not be expecting your counterattack.

Sorry to hear your bean’s been beaned by the floor! The reason for this (near) disaster is certainly puzzling 🤔 so maybe a new puzzle is in order.

So sorry about your fall! I’m all behind this idea. Put that MyPillow guy out of business! My head’s been hurting for over 4 years now!

“Let’s just call it a Wolverine”…..please warn a girl before these comments….I laughed so hard I almost…

You don’t need to dream of dangerous wolverines. Wolverines are a member of the weasel family; so are ferrets. So dream of ferrets next time. People aren’t scared of ferrets. You don’t need any type of helmet if you are dealing with ferrets. You can just fall on the ferret, easily killing it.
If you do find yourself being attacked by a wolverine, wag your finger at it and say ‘Bad! Bad Wolverine!’. That usually takes care of the problem.

Just got my Calamityware mugs yesterday and I love them. Today I ordered the “Vigilant Dragon” cookie jar. I cried when I saw it. You see I lost my “Vigilant Dragon.” He came with that name. He was a one ear, one eye, scars down both cheeks and a dent in his head rescue dog. He was hairless except for about six endearing hairs on top of his head and he would bite everyone in sight except me! He saved my life at least three times when my blood sugar was low he would wake me. I miss my “Vigilant Dragon” everyday. Soon I will be able to look at my many Vigilant Dragons and laugh when I think of his many silly behaviors. Thank you! As for your helmet idea I don’t think it would be a big seller. Just get a bigger bed! That wouldn’t help me as I have a king size bed I share with four rescues I got in Dragon’s honor. By the way, is that a “Bigfoot” or a “Swamp Creature” on the mug? I live in Florida (originally Philadelphia)and I just want to keep an eye out for that one. I’m old enough to remember The Creature From the Black Lagoon!

Bad wolverine. Good idea.

Bless your heart, Don. I’m experienced the falling out of bed during a nightmare, acivity. Yikes. Thankfully: I landed well. I also deal with kidney disease & noturnal potty breaks. I’m also an artist, (not for money, just for the joy of it.) So I relate to your nightime “adventure.” Sending you good wishes, & kudos:’cause Ilove your art. (Also good wishes to your sleep mate, yikes, what a way to wake up… bless her heart too.) Blessings.

Wolverines are a nasty business for this very reason. My husband availed himself of the benefits of Dream Wolverine attacks twice in the past several months. This Dream Wolverine (we call him Wally) caused a similar concussive event. However, my husband has Strong Bones, so there has been no appreciable difference in his task performance on a daily basis. Our dilemma is that, as a result of a big bed in a small room, there is ample opportunity to find yourself trapped betwixt bedframe and bookcase. I admit to taking a moment to enjoy the turtle-thrashings, but hid them behind my hand so as not to injure his Man Pride. He was successfully extricated, so all is well. But I think the MyStrap-on Pillow idea is a useful one. Count me in!

May I suggest selling both a basic sleep helmet and an upgraded model (maybe you could call it the Mach 2). The Mach 2 would come with a soft cushy inner padding, but would also have an additional outer plastic shell covered in 6" spikes. Much like a studded snow tire on ice, the pointy spikes would dig into the floor when the semi-conscious wearer falls out of bed, thus preventing any further rolling …as, for example, down a staircase. However, it would be advisable not to sell the Mach 2 to anyone with a waterbed.

Sounds good to me Don, but please modify the design to include a nose protection devise. On dark winter mornings, I have been known to jump out of the bed startled by the shockingly loud clock radio alarm (yes, I might have the last one on earth from the 1970’s). Then walk my face into the wall directly across from the bed thinking I’ve cleared the corner to head to the bathroom. My nose is the first thing to hit the wall.

Nope, the person on the other side won’t switch sides. He doesn’t want to run into the wall either. And no, I never think to turn on the light. Who can think before a cup of coffee in my Calamityware mug , of course.

Deb in Delaware

I would have appreciated that Softie Sleep helmet when I was younger and hot my head on the cast iron heater of our old home! If this Softie Sleep Helmet came with a cooling system I would consider it, as hot flashes usually happen for sleeping Kathryn.

Sleep on a mattress on the floor, or lower bed height.

This has happened to me as well. Sleep on the floor.

Yesterday a friend told me Swarovski Crystal is discontinuing their huge line of crystals for craft and jewelry, and focusing on their “COLLECTIBLES” market. She then provided me with a link to said “collectibles” … $10,000 Swarovski covered NHL Football Helmets and matching Footballs. No, there is no missing decimal point in that price range. After all, why make millions of little crystals for peasants to string into bracelets when one could market to … ??? So it seems there IS a market for COLLECTIBLE helmets … your idea has merit, although you may want to consider adding glowing green devil eyes (or red or purple perhaps?) to your new padded protective helmet. As the wife of a Walter who survived a broken ankle, 2 broken leg bones, and 4 holes drilled in his head for the subdural hematoma the second hospital found after the first tried to kill him … I’d buy one to wash, one to wear and … probably 3 extra for the mountain bike/ice hockey grandson Walter #2 to wear over his real high tech helmet. He’ll cut a hole in it so the Go-Pro can peek out. Ah, life with Walters, SIGH … I await the Wolverine Glowing Eyes Helmet Kickstarter. Hope you recover quickly from the Wolverine attack!

Oh Don, oh Don. The simplest is usually the best. Make a really comfortable bed on the floor.
To quote Arthur Conan Doyle, aka Sherlock Holmes, “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth”

Having done something similar more than once whilst practicing somnambulant rowing in one case and escaping a fierce dragon in another, I hit upon the solution of leaving my thick gym mat next to my side of the bed. I’ve fallen on it once and it did the job. No helmets pour moi!

Be careful! Maybe one of these would help:

https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/10/23/article-2473972-18EFD16D00000578-364_634x702.jpg

If you were a Green Bay Packers fan, you’d be all set.

Google “Ostrichpillow”, you won’t be sorry!

At first glance it has merits however….if you happen to be a female of a certain age bracket, encasing one’s head in any sort of soft squishy material would result in an instant hot flash, and a possibly spontaneously combusting head. So maybe with a bunch of ventilation holes? Or perhaps rigged with a built-in fan unit like they used to do for computers, back in the day. Something to ponder.

Too bad I didn’t read about this great invention before my husband decided to fall whack his head on dresser and turn our bedroom into a look like crime scene! I decided to put unused exercise bands around his pillow on his head. Just remember to put pillow in BACK of head

LazyBoy Don? With one of those boost-assists for Peeing Don?

I suggest sleeping closer to the floor; the shorter the fall the safer you will be. You may still have wolverines in your dreams—I hope not! Try for bunnies and hope they are friendly.
Best regards and hopeful dreams
Glenda

Not to be calamitous, but perhaps that wolverine was the etheric projection of a rival artist recently canned from the New Yorker—or Goop—looking to kick some non-etheric butt. You did exactly the right thing. Call in your protective allies and create a Kickstarter talisman for personal and commercial use. After you are done with the helmet of course; we need your head, Don.

In some philosophies it is believed the we are just figments in a dream of the Cosmic Wolverine. So Ii have to ask, how is the wolverine this morning and did you frighten him out of bed as well?

AT THE AGE 80PLUS——-I HAVE HAD MY SHARE OF FALLS AND NOT FAULT OF MY DAILY G & T—-BAD MED

BUT NO LONGER TAKE—-PEOPLE SAY THAT THEY NEW MY HARDHEADNESS WOULD BE REASON I SURVIVED.

I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE ONE OF THE HELMETS THAT I COULD WEAR WHEN I HAVE TO VISIT ER THEY COULD

HAVE A GOOD LAUGH—THEY DESERVE TO LAUGH BECAUSE THEY HAVE WORKED THRU THE VIRUS

I strongly support the helmet as an aid to sleeping upright on any form of transport. Usually I have my head pressed against a frosty window while trying to ignore the noise and kerfuffle that is in my immediate vicinity.
Kickstart this baby!!!!

I need 7 of those helmets: one for me, one for my husband, and five for some clumsy cats with Restless Body Syndrome.

I concur with Jeff that it sounds like a great alternative to a pillow, except for the heat-trapping problem. Perhaps a semi-rigid hollow web-fabric. Might need to find some alien suppliers for such a space-age material. In the meantime, a baby bed gate might allow Peeing Don to get out of bed easily while preventing a wolverine-provoked head-first bed exit.

OMG!! Such a fantastic story!! I am still chuckling..Awake Karen and Peeing Don…best characters ever . The Helmet idea is a good one, but what about the dream of the wizzing wasp and you are swatting at poor Snoozing Karen in her slumber…my vote is the bed web and a puppy pad for accidents …thinking of Karen! Us wives have to stick together 👯‍♀️. Thanks again for sharing!!

why no sketch of the wolverine like creature?? each SSH™ in the first limited edition run, promoted by influencers (whoever they might be, I like the NFL angle and maybe Mike Tyson?) should include a signed origin comic, shift to printed signature once you hit mass production!

Take care, Don! Noggin blows are nasty.

I’m thinking the wooly contraption should be made of sheeps fleece….cleaned of course!!!

well, maybe a bigger adult partial side rail padded with vigilant dragons 🐉 to ward off wolverines, helmets will keep you from a decent sleep.

I think you need to think about this slightly differently, Don. You need to set up some ground rules that let the Wolverine know that it is not welcome in your dreamscape. Sort of like that home security sign in my yard—not that I have an actual alarm system, but I do have a swell sign. It seems to work:
Suppose you made a Calamityware ceramic plaque in your signature blue and white that says something like “This house is protected from unpleasant monsters, real or imagined, by forces we can’t name but that will vanquish you immediately and forever. Don’t make us say this twice.” One sign should do it for the whole house.

If you managed to combine padding/pillow substitute and noise blocking (perhaps by covering the ears), my husband – a light sleeper who is quite tired of my snoring – would sign up in a heartbeat.

On a more serious note – if you experience further incidents like this, see your doctor. There is a condition called REM sleep behavior disorder in which that “movement off switch” malfunctions. It’s treatable with medication.

awwwww so sorry! I doubt it’s this but you could have REM sleep disorder like Mike Birbiglia – he sleeps in a sleeping bag all zipped up but that interferes with the needs of Peeing Don – there are meds that help like clonazepam and even melatonin may work. It can also signal something else is brewing neurologically so I would check with your doctor.

👍🏻

This is a great invention. I could have used this the other day when I jumped off a cliff in my dream, but alas no wolverines were involved.

On a serious note, a nice futon let me land much more gently than at bed height would. So until we can all get your great invention, lose anything you hit your head on falling out of bed and replace your frame with a lovely futon if you can’t be sure you won’t chased monsters in your sleep.

Hint: Landing on shoes also sucks.

I’m so sorry, but I think somebody beat you to it. Check out the episode of schitt’s creek where Moira wears the gigantic thing on her head to sleep.

Embed a thin layer of copper mesh to block radio waves.

This already exists! They call it the very unimaginative Napping Pillow (https://ostrichpillow.com/products/original-napping-pillow). The product description doesn’t explicitly promise that it will protect you from nocturnal predators, but we can all read between the lines. Maybe you could partner with the makers to provide a better pattern than Blah Grey. Perhaps frustrated Wolver-dreams dancing an angry jig?

Check this out! “Sleep anywhere Ostritch Pillow”
https://youtu.be/UoBLEvAQVRU

I would back this on kickstarter especially if it covered my eyes. I sleep with my head in between two feather pillows and when my boyfriend snores I need an extra pillow to build a snore fort. It’s a lot of work to do all that construction every night and if I could just strap it on and leave it I’d be happy.

As a person whose body is older than my brain, having had my first broken bone in 55 years last year when I slipped on the ice, I would totally buy a Softie Sleep Helmet™ and wear it every time I venture out of the house during winter months (winter lasts 5-1/2 months here on the North Coast…).

I’d wear this at least 9 months of the year. Nebraska gets REALLY cold and I often wear a hoodie to bed! Be sure to put air holes thru out the cap for perspiration, or it’ll become a soggy mess and might inspire Peeing Don to think he is already in the bathroom.
For art, some beast stealing toilet paper would be a grand theme.

Sleep on the floor!
Can’t fall out of the floor……

Please warn Karen to sleep with a pillow in the middle of the bed because the next wolverine might head in the other direction. Speaking from experience.

I too had a furry fanged thing dream the other night. They were trying to kill and eat me to assimilate my power, whatever that was. My brother had a dream that same night that he was being chased by a pack of furry fanged things led by Rush Limbaugh. Maybe the new normal is dreaming about being annoyed by furry fanged things rather than falling out of bed and hurting your head!

As an adult with fibromyalgia, you have my sympathies. One symptom of FB is whole-body jerking, and has moved me over a whole foot while sleeping. I’d stay asleep but my husband would have to climb down from ceiling where he had been thrown. Eventually we compromised on medication. (For me, not him). It worked. I take it during the day too, which has allowed me to regain my fine motor skills. Beforehand, my cursive writing would have sudden strikes across the page when I twitched. At least you were asleep when you threw yourself out of bed. I am glad that the Amazing Karen was not injured. Perhaps a cup of hot coffee in an extra-large Calamityware mug might sooth the headache.

Do you have cats? Mine have joined forces and sent me rolling out of bed at least three times. Need to not sleep on edge.

Oh my, take care of yourself Don! Your softie sleep helmet makes you look like Albert Einstein.

Well… it needs an attached sleep mask.

Comedian Mike Birbiglia frequently discuss his extracurricular sleep activities, and his solution is a sleeping bag and mittens. That might be more practical. I’d buy a Capybara sleeping bag and wolverine mittens.