Well… it needs an attached sleep mask.

I love it! You should put a picture of the wolverine on it. You may find this link from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office of interest: https://www.uspto.gov/patents/apply.

I like the noise cancelling aspect of your helmet but waking up with sweaty bed-head hair , ick. I think placing your bed in the middle of a ball pit would be a better and more fun solution.

Don! You’re not going to believe this, but I swear to goodness that this is a real thing that I saw for sale. Check out the photos on their website….. they’re actually pretty funny and while I would NEVER put my head in one of them I thought you’d get a kick out of it. https://ostrichpillow.com/products/original-napping-pillow [I have absolutely NO connection to ostrichpillow and never will, beyond sending the link in this comment] HAVE A GREAT DAY, and remember that it’s a good thing that we get to experience getting older. Not everyone is so lucky.

Hi Don, sorry to hear about your misadventure! We all prize that atypical cranium of yours, so I heartily encourage you to protect it in whatever manner you see fit.

I personally am in the camp of “not so likely to back the Softie Sleep Helmet” on Kickstarter, but would invest heavily in any chance to get my fangs—er, paws—er, hands—on some wolverine-themed Calamityware! The wolverine is my 19-year-old’s spirit animal, so this would make birthday shopping a heckuva lot easier. There are only so many stuffed wolverines that a boy needs, as it turns out.

My first thought was to duct-tape you into a hammock but it would be crowded with the potential for limbs to fall asleep due to circulation issues if one adds the Karen(s), causing pins and needles in extremities once one is extracted from the duct tape. So perhaps duct tape or the sewing of zippers onto sheets/pajamas? You’d zip the zipper to “become one” with the bedding, and unzip when it was time to get up. Having a bedfellow would be an advantage as the sheets while zipped to your pajamas would be less likely to be pulled from the bed by a sudden tug if there were another body beside you.

In the 70s, working on my BFA, one of our assignments was to figure out how to deal with the Hayward (CA) Fault that ran directly under the art department building, as it was showing signs of activity. Some people created models which showed various strange and wonderful ways to keep the fault from moving (like staking on either side of the fault and lacing it like a football with bungie cords). My solution was an inflatable body suit that responded to certain Richter Scale levels. It was like wearing an airbag that instead of blowing up in your face, it blew up to cover your body and head, protecting you from falling objects and from just plain old falling down. Somewhat similar to your Sleep Pillow.
Dreams are best had in situ.

I’m 67 and sleep in a twin bed, with a cat. Sometimes two cats. Some nights I have to grip one side of the mattress to keep from falling off the other side, as I’m sure the bed has tilted to a dangerous angle. I fall off the bed when I try to get out of it, not fully awake. Ow. And often, often, I wake myself up when I try to reach for something in a dream but all I grab is air in the real. And when I speak in the dream I hear myself saying “Uh. Uh” in the real.

Once, a little demon floated through my closed window and landed on my bedside lamp, muttering curses and vulgarities. I was terrified. “Get out of here!” I screamed at it. My scream sounded like “Uh. Uh”. It saved my life: I woke up.

They do sell rails that can be wedged between the mattress and box spring that can prevent you from rolling out of bed. It will also prevent that wolverine from getting into the bed with you. Doubt it would attempt to get in bed from Karen’s side.

What a horrible attack! I’m not sure that many people would add the helmet to their evening attire. I would be more inclined to lower the mattress so the attack takes place on safer ground. I am so glad you are safe though. Please include the fiasco in one of you new projects that we all patiently await!

Gee Don why stop at your head? Sounds like you could have used a full body “softie suit”! By the way what did you do to that wolverine that you aren’t sharing with us??? Ha

Also good potential for daytime use for those compelled to bang their head on the desk in frustration. Maybe add a forehead flap? I would back this, notwithstanding rarity of wolverine attacks here.

“Inconvenient novelties” is my new favorite phrase – - – Contemplating while sipping coffee from my Calamity Ware mug.

I am so sorry to hear about your wolverine attack. I too must deal with Sleeping Kathy, Dreaming Kathy, and Peeing Kathy nightly. I have discovered that CPap Kathy with earbuds and eye mask is a boon to Sleeping and Dreaming Kathy, but not so much Peeing Kathy. Maybe the SHH™ is for me! I wish you well!

Oh Don, oh Don! Hope the multiple Karens are ok!

Perhaps, just perhaps the helmet is not the most, shall we say, marketable idea. But maybe a line of pjs or sheets? Ya know, something that might combat or help supply the subconscious to respond to wolverine?

If it comes in PINK, I’ll take three!!

You should put that fang gnashing Wolverine on a mug or something!

I’ve done something similar, but I usually commando-roll out of bed and land on my arm, refracturing the head of my radius. Should I just get a goalie suit to sleep in?

Hello Don-
So sorry to hear of your misadventure and clonged noggin. As the wife of a husband who has had 1 serious concussion (stand-up sledding in a toboggan is no longer recommended… or covered by our insurance) and 1 TBI (including a subdural hematoma, poor chap), I would, in point of fact, back this on Kickstarter…particularly if it were covered in Peeved Paisleys.
Cheers!
Angela

Actually with children and adults who need extra protection, custom made helmets are available through an orthotist. I actually think a soft padded 2" helmet would be useful in winter. Last winter, I thought my moose hide slippers would let me investigate the snow, and the ice on my stairs decided that was an opportunity to whack the back of my head instantly. A nice soft foam helmet with a sealed foam edge, waterproofing it would be a sensible idea, just in case…

You would also have the unintended benefit of NOT needing a pillow EVER again, so it’s tempting, but I’d sweat like a pig w that on my head, and my body temp would rise resulting in dizziness, then I would get out of bed, slip in a puddle of sweat and fall.

Those pesky wolverines! As a Badger by birth and by training at UW, I’m glad to hear that some good came of this heinous attack. They’re fairly rare even here in the Wolverine state, but I’m sure the SSH™ will find a market and have many surprising applications beyond the one through which it was inspired. Who knows, Calamityware may become an officially licensed NFL supplier if your product development goes well!